Culture Clash

A few days ago, I started a long conversation with one of my roommates and another guys I met here. I was really curious to know what people here thought of America and American culture. One guy said "I think American culture is very restrictive". I was taken aback. I was kind of shocked. American culture? Restrictive? I mean, compared to the culture here, we are practically absent of any restrictions at all. I asked why. He said that when people walk past each other in the street in the U.S., or when one meets a stranger, people tend to be very cold to each other, or dismissive of people they don't know. In Palestine, rather, one treats everyone like one's brother, and welcomes people into their home, even if, or especially, if they are strangers. Ok, ok. I agreed with that. I will admit that in America strangers don't really give a shit about each other. "But what about the culture here?" I said. Aren't there a great many restrictions here on the way one can act? This time he was taken aback. "Like what?" he asked. Well ,the first thing I came to was gender relations. Men and women don't even walk in the street together, I said. They don't even shake hands. You can't go to a cafe and smoke hookah with a girl. Or anything. Isn't that a pretty big restriction?

From there the conversation got interesting. We moved from general talk about culture to talking about "relations between men and women in the west. "You have had girlfriends?", my roommate asked. "Yes, I have had girlfriends". Then he asked, "You have, been, with a woman?" "Yes, I have 'been' with a woman. He asked me why Americans have girlfriends. He said "I don't understand. Why don't people just marry one woman, and then go on with the rest of their lives. It's so much more simple". I tried to explain in terms that he would understand, but I'm pretty sure it didn't work. I said that living with someone for the rest of your life is a big commitment, and you need to know what you are getting yourself into. We might go into a relationship, but we need time to find out if that person is compatible with us. Additionally, having girlfriends or boyfriends also teaches about what we want, what we are looking for in other people, and how to manage a relationship. It is important to know how to deal with relationships, and how to know if yo are with the right person. This ability only comes from experience. And then, not intentionally, I said that it's also important to know whether two people are sexually compatible. It just kind of came out as I was talking. This he didn't understand at all. That's not a thing that is of concern here.

He didn't understand at all. We both chalked it up to different cultures, and completely different mindsets. Explaining something like sexual behavior to someone you doesn't really think of sex as a good or nice thing to do before marriage is hard as fuck. He said "I don't know. I cannot talk with women without trouble. They make me confused. I can't think correctly". Laughing a little, and half joking, I said yes, absolutely brother. Women will do that to you. I also often can't think so straight around some women. Then he asked if men and women have sex even if they are not in love, or are not boyfriend and girlfriend. I said yes, sure. People have casual sex as well, to which he said "I do not like this. I think one man, one woman".

The other day we were on the computer, browsing through some photos his buddy had on his computer. Whenever a picture of a guy and a girl cuddling or kissing showed up, he would say something like "What is this? Not a good picture". Then several pictures of AK-47's, grenades, mortars, and M-16's showed up. Which he liked very much. He said these were beautiful. He asked me if I liked them. I said not particularly. Violence isn't really my thing. I think guns and bombs are pretty shitty. You've got it all backwards, I said. Violence is bad. Men and women kissing? That's just fine. It's kind of nice.

Don't get me wrong. Not everyone here thinks that way. There are people I've met here who, though not really open about sex and romance, are certainly enthusiastic about it and open to it. Some folks I met here love to talk to me about porn. They talk to me about various porn sites, rattle off the names of porn actresses I might know, and stuff like. One or two guys, after having a discussion about gender relations about sex, even told me about their "many girlfriends", and sexual exploits. I'm not sure how much is really true, or how much is machismo in the face of a visiting American male. In any case, I'm sure sex before marriage happens here. But I don't think anyone is very open about it.

Another weird thing about culture here that I didn't know. When you knock on someone's door, you must always stand to the left, so when the door is opened, you can't see inside the house. There might be a woman without a hijab on or something, and so you need to give them time to get ready for guests. In most houses here, there is a separate area of the house, with couches and chairs, for entertaining guests. The "inside" of the house, if you will, is not for visitors. One is not supposed to see the kitchen the bedrooms or anything. There might be a door from the guest room to the kitchen, but it is always closed, and you can't see inside.

Anyway, that conversation I had was by far one of the most eye opening and interesting conversations I ever had. People here are very curious to know about American culture, which is good because I am also super curious about every detail of Palestinian culture. As I ask more questions, I'll relay more answers. Till then-